the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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