saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
