How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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