Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
