It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
