for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
