When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
