Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
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Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
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i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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