dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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