my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize