yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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