My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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