So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We named our party play list daddy issues
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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