I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
