I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
