You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
