you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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