Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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