He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
