i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
