You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
