it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
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New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize