i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
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The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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