Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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