i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
