I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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