dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You are a genius and a whore.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
