I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
