I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think im going to throw up on grandma
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
