is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok