did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold