I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.