I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
