I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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