I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
