Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
