how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i will never coherently bang her
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
