apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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