Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
