How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
