I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
