My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
