Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
