now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
