I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
