i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
