my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
