My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
