yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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