During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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