Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
