you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I need to stop coming to work sober
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
