i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
