I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
