It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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