This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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