Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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