You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
