I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
