My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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