Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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