I skipped work to stalk him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
